All She Wrote
by imogensrocket
Summary: Every girl was entitled to her secrets, even Autumn Danvers. Tyler/OC Reid/OC TRIGGER WARNINGS!
1. Prologue: The Diary of Autumn

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Covenant.

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**Author's Note: **Hi, guys! Okay, I know I have sucked with updating this story, and I have a reason for it. When I first started writing this story I had a clear plot of what I wanted to do and where everything was going to go and how every character would develop, but writing it I realized it wasn't as easy as I originally thought. Somewhere along the way I seriously lost the plot to the story, and rereading what I've written I know there's absolutely no way anything will turn out the way I wanted it to go. So what's my solution, you ask? Well it's very simple: rewrite the entire story. I'm taking out things that seem rushed and pointless, like the play, and I'm going to put in some more Sons/Autumn interactions. Also, I want to give more of Tully's backstory and what her beef with Reid is.

Also, the timeline is different, don't ask me how I thought it was logical for it to begin a year before with Tyler stealing Autumn's diary and for her to not notice it. But this new timeline is set during the winter after _The Covenant._

So now that the rambles and apologies are over with I hope everyone enjoys this new and improved story. Hopefully you will all enjoy it more than you did with the original.

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**Prologue: The Diary of Autumn**

"_Well I've been afraid of changes 'cause I built my life around you, but time makes you bolder and children get older and I'm getting older, too."_

_-Landslide, Stevie Nicks/Fleetwood Mac._

Tyler Simms let out a sigh.

This week had been hard for his friend.

He still couldn't believe Mr. Danvers was dead. The funeral had been that afternoon; Sarah had held Caleb as he cried.

The funeral was small of course; everyone already believed this loss had happened a few years back.

Something about that afternoon kept bothering him; he replayed it over and over again. Autumn didn't cry, not when she found out the news about her dad, not when they buried him; Caleb had reprimanded his sister to them, called her selfish. Though Tyler hadn't said anything in her defense he wished he had now.

When it was her turn to throw in the dirt she had thrown the shovel down and left, he didn't know where, and he couldn't bring himself to follow her.

Her reaction to the ceremony, to placing dirt and burying her father, it kept replaying in his mind. The anger making her dark eyes bright, like someone had placed a torch behind them; how her mouth set into a straight line, and her jaw clenched_. _He'd never seen her like that before. It was almost intimidating.

Caleb, though, hadn't noticed her reaction. Instead he had shaken with fury and her mother, also oblivious to her daughter's emotions, had just lit up a cigarette with a look of anger on her face.

Tyler realized no one had seen the look of pain flash across her face as she stared down into the grave or the pleading look she had given when she stared up into the gray, raincloud filled sky.

No one cared about what she felt at the time. No one cared that the girl couldn't just _bury_ her father. That she was terrified by the thought of it.

The four boys decided to screw the rest of the day after the service. They had gotten a case of beer and sat in Caleb's backyard drinking, and he knew Mrs. Danvers was probably inside drinking as well. Tyler could see the glow of light from behind curtains in Autumn's room and he wanted to invite her down, to let her drink away her sorrows, but knew that he couldn't.

And even if he did, he doubted Autumn would come down. Autumn would probably scoff at the thought of drinking and slam the door in his face. He had, after all, seen the girl do it a few times to Caleb.

He got up suddenly, swaying a bit, and excused himself. Making his way upstairs to the bathroom he walked by Autumn's room. Music softly played from behind the door and nothing else.

He wondered what she was doing in there as the beats of a guitar played and some guy sang about some girl he'd lost. Was she crying? Was she even in her room, or had she snuck out?

He was tempted to knock, but didn't. Instead, he made his way to the washroom.

On his way back to the yard is when he saw it though, a green velvet book laying on the floor under the phone table. It was turned so that the open, wrinkled pages were opened facing the floor.

He knew he should have turned back up the steps and knocked on her door to hand her the book, but didn't. Curiosity had gotten the better of him.

Putting it in his jacket pocket he made his way back to his friends.

**-:+:-**

Laying in his dorm the next day with a throbbing headache he sat on his bed with the book on his lap.

He couldn't believe in his half drunken state he had decided to take it. What was he thinking?

Thankfully Reid had found some entertain himself, leaving the youngest son with his thoughts.

Reid would have either teased him for taking the girl's diary, or opened it and mocked whatever was written within the pages.

Tyler was also opting for the latter, opening it wouldn't hurt anyone. Autumn would never know he could always sneak in and leave it in her dorm.

Tyler sighed. He'd read it and then sneak it back to her. With that decision, he opened the green book to the first page. It would have been blank and white, but taped to the page was a small photo of her family, he could tell it had been years before.

Autumn was standing in front of her already aging-far-beyond-his-years father in a gorgeous blue dress with a silver sash. Her black hair was pulled back by a silver headband and her milky skin glowed by the lighting.

He guessed she was nine in the photo making Caleb either twelve or thirteen. Next to Mr. Danvers was his much younger looking wife in an adult version of her daughters dress with no headband or sash, standing behind Caleb who wore a tux that matched his father.

Tyler began to remember the old days, when they'd hang out in the backyard of one of the son's houses, or the camping trips they'd take when the mothers would have a spa weekend.

Autumn was, not lively, but more happy and adventurous. She'd never been one to be over the top and loud, which was funny considering her best friend was Tallulah Guthrie, Spenser's southern belle who was as live and bodacious as a person could get.

Tyler remembered for a moment how Autumn use to idolize the sons. How she'd talk to him and listen to his rambles about being the baby and the last one to experience everything. How she'd prank Reid and make snarky remarks to him. How she'd arm wrestle Pogue - who she'd only beaten once cause he let her. How she use to hang around Caleb and act like a sibling to him, petty fights, teasing, talking to him.

The change had happened slowly after they had turned thirteen, when she stopped talking to them - or when they had stopped talking to her.

He never knew who stopped first. It didn't matter. They were all wrong to let the drift continue. They were wrong to stop being there for each other and being a family.

The events occurred fast, but the one that began it was when Caleb had turned thirteen. That was when life for the Danvers family had practically ended.

After Caleb got his taste of power his dad began using more than he normally did. Mrs. Danvers began drinking to cope with her husband aging and how he didn't love them enough to stop. Caleb had taken it upon himself to become Autumn's father figure.

He remembered how over the top Caleb got with his sister. How he'd turned the overprotective brother mode to the extreme and slowly he shoved her away. She never ignored them, but she never had much to say, and would find excuses to not be around the sons.

Slowly she had become a memory. No one discussed her, no one asked Caleb how she was, and they just began to not really care about her existence at all.

Pogue and Caleb had blamed her for the great rift between the once happy fivesome. Reid argued that it had been Caleb's overbearing ways that drove her away. But Tyler had a feeling it was more of the events leading up that made Autumn turn away.

If her parents had loved their children enough to not put their own desires first and been there then Caleb wouldn't have felt the need to step up. If Autumn's dad didn't use so much her mother wouldn't have been too drunk to miss out on what she had to teach her daughter. If the sons and Autumn had talked to each other there would have been hope to save their friendship.

Heaving a heavy sigh, he looked at the loopy hand writing under the picture.

_Psalm 27:1 - The Lord is my light and salvation – whom shall I fear? The Lord is my stronghold of life – of whom shall I be afraid?_

The words hit him. It made him realize that the girl he'd talked to out by the lake during the camping trips, and road bikes down the hills at nighttime, really was alone. He turned the page and read on.

_I felt the urge to do it again, so I immediately picked this up. _

_I think it's my mother's but she's too drunk to ever use it. Too drunk to even notice or care that her daughter hasn't worn short sleeves since last year._

_She's probably too stupid to put the pieces together even if I didn't wear long sleeves to hide what I'd done to myself._

_I don't really know what to write. This is the stupidest therapy technique ever._

_Am I honestly suppose too bitch at the life people whine constantly about wanting?_

_Yeah, I've heard the whispers around school. So what if my family is rich. Money is the only thing we have. We don't have a family. We have three strangers who live together in a house that's far too big who happen to share the same blood. If that's what people want, by all means, they can take it from me. _

_I don't want to complain. I don't want to feel spoilt for feeling sad; but the truth is I am sad. I feel empty, alone. _

_I feel like I'm in the darkness all the time, and all I want to see is this little glimmer of light to lead me to a better place, but instead, I circle around, lost._

_I can only blame myself for that, I've pushed everyone away. No one loves me and no one would miss me._

_My mother, my father, my brother, they have their own lives. Albeit my parents' lives aren't much better than mine, but at least what they're doing makes them feel happiness for a short period of time. Me, I haven't felt happiness in a long time. _

_To be honest, I'm terrified to let myself be happy. I'm afraid to let people into my life. If I'm alone, no one can hurt me. If I'm alone, no one can leave me._

_I can't find a way to get back to my own life; I can't go back to my old friends who talked about superficial things. _

_And, to be honest, even if they weren't superficial, I don't want to be the girl I was. I'm better than her. I know how to be better than her. _

_Old Autumn Danvers' was a bitchy preteen who thought life was defined by parties, and to wear the latest fashions. But that wasn't life. Those things didn't matter. _

_Maybe if I knew that before I would have had real friends._

Tyler heard the door opened and he shut the book and shoved it in the draw of his bedside table.

Reid came in and told Tyler they were going to Nicky's. Tyler grabbed his keys and with a final glance at the draw he followed the blonde teen out to the parking lot.


	2. Chapter One: Waste

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Covenant.

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**Chapter One: Waste**

_"I lie to myself all the time, but I never believe me."_

_―S.E. Hinton, The Outsiders._

Autumn Danvers made her way through the crowded prestigious hallways of Spenser Academy. Her long, silky black hair was pulled into a messy ponytail, and her feet were covered with old light blue converse didn't match the navy blue uniform- not that her shoes ever matched since she wore the same sneakers every day.

Her legs were long; she was 5'6" at least and very thin. With very little effort she could probably be a model with her face elegant with pointed features that seemed to run in families of power.

Despite her obvious beauty, Autumn didn't roam the halls with confidence. She let her head hang down and she seemed to have a slouch when she walked. Some conversations stopped when she walked by, others were spoken loudly enough for her to hear the snide comments.

Autumn didn't let the comments hurt her. She knew she cared deep down, but she had no time to let the typical comments break her spirit. The day was barely over, and if she made it through she could take a much needed nap before dinner with her family.

Continuing her leisurely pace to American Lit, an arm linked with hers. Autumn didn't have to turn her head to know the person who fell into step beside her.

"So I was thinking, since tonight you have your family dinner, we can go into town, we are seriously down on our ramen noddle supplies." Tully Guthrie said, twirling a strand of curly blonde hair.

"Yeah, sure," Autumn said with a shrug. "Maybe we'll have enough time to catch a movie. I'm dying for a day off this stupid campus."

Tully nodded. "Yeah, that sounds good."

The two girls entered the classroom and took their usual seats in the middle rows. Autumn saw her brother and her friends, and she knew that they had seen her, but neither party acknowledged each other.

"Is it rude to say that after all these months I still find it weird that none of you talk to each other?" Tully asked as she plucked her legal pad from her bag.

"No," Autumn muttered bitterly. "It's just how it is."

Tully shrugged, "It doesn't have to be."

Autumn clenched her jaw. She knew Tully meant well, but sometimes the girl just didn't get it. The trench that separated Autumn and her family was too wide, too dangerous, and to heartbreaking to cross. The no-mans-land that separated them was better off not being crossed.

Professor Fields walked into the room and began his long lecture on Stephen King. Autumn took her notes, uninterested in what her professor was saying.

All her thoughts lead back to tonight's dinner.

If there was one thing Autumn hated more than being around people, it was the dinner's her mother made her go to every Friday.

To her mother, dinner with the family was a small price to pay when she allowed her daughter to live in a dorm. But to Autumn, dinner was a big hefty price.

Dinner at her house involved painful silence, her mother drinking glass after glass of champagne. No one said anything, and if they did, it never ended well. It always ended with arguments and mentions of Mr. Danvers and the three storming off in their separate ways.

That was the problem with her family. No one talked. No one knew how to talk about the pain they felt, to spread it around and make it easier to heal. When everything began they did everything they could to not feel anything: Her mother drank heavily. Her brother threw himself into swimming, school, his friends, and the covenant. And Autumn, she stayed quiet and when her pain and lonely life became too much, she began taking it all out on herself, scar after scar, to feel anything but the dull, aching pain that had grown residence inside her heart.

Autumn gave a tired sigh. She was tired of this. Tired of letting her mind dwell on things that made her feel alone and helpless; she didn't want to think about the small price she had to pay for her tiny bit of freedom.

_Small price, _she thought bitterly_. What a joke._

What did Evelyn Danvers care that her daughter had worked her ass off to get into Spencer so she could move away from her mother's drinking? What did Evelyn Danvers care that her daughter had decided to take the pre SATs to get a high enough score to take higher level classes so she could graduate early and move out from Ipswich permanently?

"Mr. Garwin," her teacher's stern tone broke through Autumn's train of thought. She found herself turning her head towards the blonde son, whose head shot up at the sound of his name with an annoyed expression on his face. "Since you're so bored with this lecture, maybe you'd like to visit the Provost?"

"No, sir," Reid said, his tone neutral.

"Well then, read the next paragraph. And stop sleeping during my class. Be a waste of time somewhere else."

Autumn shifted uncomfortably in her seat as Reid began to read the paragraph.

"God," Tully muttered, "that was a bit harsh, don't you think?"

"Yeah, it was." Autumn agreed, snapping the purple rubber band around her wrist.

Tully looked at her, but didn't say anything. She knew her friend wouldn't tell her what was wrong; all it would do was cause the dark haired girl to clam up and close herself off. With Autumn, not saying anything was always the better option. Let her come to you, because even if it seemed like she never would, the girl always came around when she knew people cared about her and that she could trust them. And Tully knew for a girl with no one to depend upon, her secrets were all she had to her name.

**:+:**

Tyler listened to Reid drone on about the life of Stephen King, jotting down things that sounded important enough to be on a pop quiz or the final.

He tried to concentrate, but he let his gaze wander down to Autumn.

It had been a month since he'd stolen her diary. He hadn't finished it. He wasn't even half way through her heart wrenchingly painful rambles. He read them when his roommate was out, which was quite often, but sometimes they were too much for him to read. He'd find himself reading the words and feel tears roll down his cheeks.

What a coward he was.

He never had the balls to walk to her dorm and hug her, talk to her. He never had the sense to converse with her.

He was disgusting and spineless.

Tyler watched as the girl stared at her notebook, her pen gliding across the page, her face neutral as it always was. He wondered what was going through her mind.

He thought about when the professor had berated Reid and turned to face the blonde teen, her face devoid of anything. No sympathy, no look of satisfaction of someone who rarely got caught getting what they finally deserved. No anything.

Then he said it;

"Go be a waste of space somewhere else."

He saw the glint that flashed into her dark brown eyes, the way her shoulder's had tensed. It was only for an instant. If you weren't watching her, you'd have missed it.

_My dad once called me a mistake. Said I shouldn't have been born._

_I was ten at the time and I remember crying. Even now, writing it here on this crisp white page, I can feel the tears burning._

_I believed him for so long. I still believe him._

_It messed me up. It made me look at myself different, made me see life differently. _

_It haunts me so much. It's always there in the back of my mind, nagging at me, and no matter how hard I try to outrun it it's always there, holding me down, making me succumb to the sad and miserable truth: I mean nothing to everyone._

_How could a man say that to his own child? _

_Why did he say it to me? _

_Why?_

_Am I that much of a waste that my own dad would disinherit me for not having some sort of power? Am I that disposable? _

_Am I that unlovable?_

Tyler closed his eyes for a moment, thinking about the words, then opened them and looked at the back of her head. _No, Autumn, you're not a waste of space. You're perfect. _


	3. Chapter Two: A Happy Place

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Covenant.

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**Chapter Two: A Happy Place**

"_A true friend is one who thinks you are a good egg even if you are half-cracked"_

_-Author Unknown._

"Oh! What about these?" Tully asked, picking up a box of multicolored Christmas lights. "We can decorate our room! It would be so pretty. We can use some of the fabric I bought and make curtains, and we could get a mini plastic tree and some cheap ornaments!"

Autumn nodded. "Sounds good, let's do it."

Autumn didn't really care one way or another if anything was decorated. Holidays were just another day in the calendar that people deemed special. She didn't get all worked up over it.

Tully gave an excited squeal. "Okay, so we can hang the lights from the ceiling. The tree can go in that empty spot over by the bathroom door. It's going to look so cute." She rambled, piling cheap decorations into her basket.

Autumn nodded, uninterested in her room becoming a Christmas wonderland, as she piled the things the girls actually needed into her basket.

"Do you want to put an angel or star on top of the tree?" Tully asked her from across the drug store.

"Whatever you want is fine by me."

Tully appeared next to Autumn in the cereal aisle with two small boxes in her hand, "Star or angel?" She asked, holding the box that matched the word under her nose.

"Star, I guess."

"Perfect," Tully said, setting the star box into the basket and putting the angel on the shelf next to the _Raisin Bran_. "Is there anything else you wanted? They have some cool things over there."

"Whatever you want is fine."

"Come on, don't be such an Anti-Martha Stewart! Get into the spirit, tis the season to be jolly, after all."

Autumn didn't respond, she just compared prices, when Tully grabbed her arm.

"Tully, what – "

"Come on, you're going to be happy and joyful, and you are going to like it!" Tully said teasingly, as she dragged her friend over to the Christmas displays.

"Tulls, please, can't we just get what we need and go?" Autumn said; her tone border lining on annoyed.

"Nope," Tully said in a singsong voice.

"Tully, stop," Autumn said, trying to pry her arm free of the blonde girls grasp.

Even though Tully didn't look it, she was pretty strong. She had spent years doing yoga and gymnastics and it had paid off.

The blonde southern girl was from a small area in Kentucky where her family owned a successful dairy farm; was gangly to say the least. She was taller than Autumn by nearly a foot, with pointed cheekbones, a small mouth, and flyaway, curly blonde hair. The girl pulled off her height, even wore heels with no shame. She was someone to be envied with her confidence, beauty, and sweet, radiant personality.

"Oh c'mon, Autie, don't be such a Grinch." The girl said, leading her towards the aisle filled with garland, miniature plastic Christmas trees, and rows and rows of cheap trinkets.

"I'm not being a Grinch," Autumn protested.

Tully stopped and turned to face her friend. "Are too," she said, placing a hand on her hip.

Autumn rolled her eyes. "How old are you? Four?"

"Well you're the one who's being so…moody."

"I'm not being moody. And don't you dare say "are too", Tallulah May Guthrie." Autumn said.

Tully crossed her arms and stared at her friend. Her mouth set in a frown.

"What's wrong with you today?" Tully asked.

"Nothing's wrong." Autumn said.

"Then why –" But Tully stopped, her cobalt blue eyes looking past her friend's shoulder. Autumn turned to see what her friend was staring at and saw Kate and Sarah.

Tully's eyes darkened as she stared at Kate. To say neither girl liked each other would be an understatement. There was a lot of water under the bridge when it came to the two girls.

Kate's eyes narrowed on the two girls, a malicious grin spread across her face.

"Hey, Autumn, Tully," Sarah greeted the two girls with a nod of acknowledgement.

"Sarah, Kate," Autumn nodded, then turned back towards her friend.

"So, Tully, how has Reid been these days?" Kate asked, her voice sickly sweet. "I heard you two really hit it off after the Dells party."

Tully's face remained impassive. "I wouldn't know about what happened after the party, Kate. But since you're so interested in it, why don't you ask Reid yourself."

Kate rolled her eyes. "It must be nice to have so little self-esteem that you'd throw yourself at anyone with a pulse."

"Unfortunately, I wouldn't know about having low self-esteem. And I wouldn't know about throwing myself at people either, considering it's from you're ridiculous imagination." Tully replied coolly, then turned on her heel and headed down the aisle.

Kate sneered at Tully's back, and then turned to Autumn.

Autumn held Kate's gaze, unfazed the least by the older girls dark snarl.

"C'mon, Kate," Sarah said, tugging her friends arm.

Autumn walked away after her friend who was looking at a green stocking with faux white fur around the opening.

"You okay?" Autumn asked.

"Yeah, I am. She just loves to get under my skin, doesn't she?" Tully stated with a bitter laugh.

"Don't let her. In a few years she'll still be some has-been high school queen bee that Pogue will be supporting financially." Autumn said coldly, picking up a little reindeer knickknack.

"Yeah, I guess," Tully said. "I just wish no one knew about what had happened between me and Reid. I got a little drunk and I just – it was stupid and I regret it. I don't understand why it has to be everyone else's business."

"By Monday, you'll be old news. There's always a new scandal, Tull, always."

Tully sighed, running a hand threw her curls. "Are you ready to get out of here? I'm tired of shopping."

"Sure, let's go." Autumn said, turning to walk towards the checkout.

**:+:**

Tyler thought his arms were going to shatter. His body ached so much, but he couldn't stop, not when he was so close to beating his friend.

His palm touched the wall a split second too late. _Damn, _her thought as he heaved himself out of the water.

"Maybe next time, Baby Boy," Reid said as he removed his goggles.

Tyler said nothing, but gave a smile so he wouldn't look like a poor sport.

"Okay, ladies, hit the showers. Practice is right before class, so don't be late." Coach Wilson shouted.

Tyler grabbed a towel and headed towards the locker room. A nice hot shower was what his aching body needed.

"You okay, Baby Boy?" Caleb asked his friend, when the boy came throw the door.

Tyler's head shot up, "Yeah, just sore."

"Dude, I can't believe you canceled the double date tonight. Kate's been bitching about it to me all day long." Pogue said, as he stepped into his shower.

"It's Friday, you know the deal." Caleb said.

"Can't you cancel? It's not like anyone would be disappointed. I'm sure Princess Autumn would be thrilled to spend another loner night in her dorm."

"I can't just cancel on my mom, no matter how much I want to. Autumn and I just have to suck it up." Caleb said as he turned the knob to the shower.

Tyler clenched his fists under the hot water. He wanted to defend Autumn, but then he'd have to explain how he knew Autumn's personal feelings toward the whole Friday Night get together, and he couldn't do that.

_Coward!_ His inner voice snarled at him. _You're a pussy._

Tyler shut his eyes, willing the voice to go away. _Shut up. Just _shut up!

"What?" Caleb asked. "Baby Boy, what did you say?"

What did he say?

"What?" Tyler asked, turning the tap off.

"You just told me to shut up." Caleb said in an annoyed voice.

"Oh." Tyler said, uninterested. At least his subconscious had a sturdier spine than him. "Whoops."

He stepped out from the shower and headed for his clothes, hearing Caleb turning off his own tap he felt his heart beat a little bit faster.

"What's your problem?" Caleb asked.

"I don't have one." Tyler lied.

"Please, you suck at lying."

"Look, I think you and Pogue are just being a little harsh about your sister." Tyler shrugged.

"When did you become her knight in shining armor?" Reid asked, as he strode by.

Caleb's eyes narrowed. Tyler knew Caleb wasn't violent, but he didn't like back talk. He was the leader, everyone followed, and only Reid had the balls to step out of line.

"Yeah, Tyler, when did you become such a hero? You're usually always quietly nodded when we make comments about her."

"Dude, she's your fucking sister. She _was _our friend. I think you should lay off her." Tyler said.

"She was the one who turned her back on you, Tyler. She's my sister, but she doesn't care about any of us."

_That's a lie. She does care, and deep down, you care too. _A voice whispered in the back of his mind. But he remained silent.

Caleb then turned and went over to his locker.

Reid let out a low whistle. "Someone grew some balls."

Tyler glared at his fair-haired friend. "Lay off it, Reid."

"Aw, c'mon, Baby Boy, don't be such a puss." Reid said.

Tyler shut his locker door, threw on the rest of his clothes, and left. He was to annoyed with everyone to care what they were thinking about him challenging Caleb.

All he could do was think about the entry about the dinner.

_Did I ever mention that I hate Fridays?_

_It's true. You are looking at the only teenager in the entire world who hates Friday nights. _

_Why, do you ask?_

_Well, it's the "small price" I had to pay to live in a dorm._

_My mother's idea of a "small price" is to come home once a week to everything I'm trying to run from._

_Every single Friday night and the whole Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and Spring breaks must be spent at home._

_Home with her being drunk every night, crying away about my father not loving her enough, and Caleb giving me these looks like he hates me._

_The dinners are always so quiet. We don't say anything, because if we do it's always the wrong thing and it will end with my mother will go into some half-drunk rampage and then she starts to cry and Caleb will end up storming off, and I just sit there in total silence praying for it all to end. But if it isn't the wrong thing, it isn't much better. The conversation will tend to go nowhere and the words hang over us like a dark storm cloud. Just another testament to our broken family, I guess._

_I want to scream. I want to make her understand that she's killing me. She's making me do this by not caring about me._

_I hate them both! I wish they'd leave and never come back!_

_Oh my god._

_I can't believe I just wrote that. I'm a horrible person. I don't hate them. I can't hate them. They're all I have left. _

_I'm a horrible daughter._

_I'm a horrible sister._

_I don't know what to do now. I'm sitting her crying. I can barely see what I'm writing, but I can't stop writing. _

_I need to leave this house before I do it. Before I end it all in one final – _

_Jenna Kirk said it was an easy thing to do. She even told us how she planned her suicide in group. If her cousin hadn't caught her, she would have died in minutes._

_NO!_

_I can't think like that._

_Peyton said that if I wanted to do it again and writing wasn't helping I had to think of a happy place. _

_The lake: it's summer there, the sky is the perfect shade of blue and the clouds are white and fluffy and the water is clear enough that you could probably drink it. Tyler and I are trying to tip our canoe and it's not working, even though we're both standing and rocking back and forth the same way._

_I can smell someone cooking fish. I can smell the pine and fresh water. _

_I can see the mountains, and the birds flying home with treats for their babies. _

_I can hear laughter. There's so much laughter it rings off of everything: the trees, the water, and the mountains. Everyone's happy there, even me._

_It feels nice. Like a familiar friend that you haven't seen in a while and can easily jump back into conversations and playful teases. _

_The happiness fills me up, and then I open my eyes to see that I'm not there. I'm here on my big bed, pen in hand, writing about a distant memory from long ago._


	4. Chapter Three: Deafening Silence

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Covenant.

* * *

**Chapter Three: Deafening Silence**

"_Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday."_

_-Author Unknown._

Autumn and Tully roamed the streets of the downtown, their bags in hand. They opted for skipping the movie, neither wanted to sit alone in the dark for an hour and forty minutes. There was very little to do here. Besides the drug store and various little tourist shops and restaurants there wasn't much for the local people to do.

They passed the pier where locals and tourists alike walked down and fished off them, in the docks, boats returned from their long day out on the bay getting their goods.

Autumn stopped to watch a man hand cooler after cooler to, who she guessed, was his son. Neither talked to each other, but she could tell it wasn't awkward. They both enjoyed the peace and quiet and didn't feel the need to talk.

"Autumn? Hello?" Tully's voice called out to her.

"Huh?" Autumn said, turning to her friend. "I'm sorry, what?"

"I was asking you if we should head back. You're brother's practice is over." Tully said, gesturing to one of the street clocks placed in front of bakery across the street.

"Damn," she muttered. "Yeah, let's head back."

They made their way towards the trolley that would take them near the school, but Autumn couldn't help but glance back at the father and son, longing to watch them a little while longer.

**:+:**

Caleb waited by the steps for his sister. He was getting impatient.

"God, where is she?" He snapped.

"Give her some slack, Caleb," Sarah said.

Caleb said nothing. He was annoyed with his sister, and mostly with Tyler.

"Look, there's her and Tully now." Sarah said, pointing a long slender finger to the two girls walking with plastic bags from the drug store.

"Finally," he muttered under his breath.

Autumn neared him, handing the two bags she held to Tully, giving the blonde girl an apologetic look.

"See you tonight, Autie." Tully said, striding past Caleb with a quick nod.

"Let's go," Caleb said gruffly.

Autumn complied, leading the way to his car as Caleb kissed Sarah goodbye.

Neither talked as Caleb drove. He blasted his music so loud, the girl could barely think. She began to play with a loose string of her hoodie.

Caleb, however, had no problem thinking. His thoughts revolved around what Tyler had said to him. It went in circles.

"_Dude, she's your fucking sister. She was our friend. I think you should lay off her." Tyler said._

"_She was the one who turned her back on you, Tyler. She's my sister, but she doesn't care about any of us."_

Caleb felt guilty by his words; even though he knew they held truth. Autumn Danvers didn't care about anything, or anyone. She put herself first.

She was the one who begged their mother to let her live with a stranger in a dorm. She left him alone to deal with everything his mother did.

They pulled up to the big house. He saw Autumn look at it with displeasure. As if she was a prisoner seeing the jailhouse for the first time.

She got out without waiting for him. She made her way up the steps and let herself in.

He gave a sigh. This was going to be a long night.

**:+:**

Tully sat on her bed doing her homework. Here she was on a Friday night, alone.

What would friends back home think of her if they knew she was doing homework on a Friday night? She could almost see Carla's cold sneer, hear the harsh laughter.

"_Wow, look at you, Tulls, being a good student when you're miles away from home. Quit being so pathetic and get off your small ass and do something." _Carla would say, flipping her dark red hair over her shoulder.

Tully shook away the thoughts. She couldn't go anywhere and face the judgmental glares, the whispers. She'd wait till the incident would blow over, then she could live it up.

_Who are you trying to prove? You don't belong here._

It was true. Tully didn't belong in a big elitist school for the spawns of rich and powerful people. Sure her family had a nice chunk of change, but for what? Milking cows and owning a farm. Yeah, that was the way to instant popularity.

Everything she did was wrong.

Well, not everything.

She looked over at Autumn's bed.

She had made a really good and loyal friend. She'd helped Autumn when she needed her the most.

_It was a long day of class and she was ready for a nice long shower. _

_She'd walked into her dorm room, and saw Autumn jumped up from where she was sitting. A draw slammed shut, and another thing clattered to the floor._

_Tully raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."_

"_It's okay. I just…I, uh," the girl stopped awkwardly._

_They stared at each other in an awkward silence._

"_Uh, you dropped your barrette," Tully said, gesturing to the object that had been dropped by the leg of the desk._

"_Oh, uh, thanks." Autumn said, bending awkwardly to pick it up._

_Tully noticed the metal was blackened. Like someone had held it to a flame._

"_So, uh, what were you doing?" Tully asked, taking off the ugly navy blazer._

_A nervous look passed across the dark haired girls face. "Oh, uh, nothing really, I just didn't expect you back so early."_

_Tully nodded, but she knew Autumn was partly telling the truth. The girl was doing something. Something she didn't want anyone to know about._

_Normally, Tully wasn't nosy. Everyone was entitled to their secrets, after all. But what she suspected about her quiet roommate wasn't something to ignore._

_She'd seen the signs before with her older sister: Long sleeves, always tugging to make sure they don't ride up, jumpy if someone touches their arms._

"_What happened to your hairclip? It looks like someone burned it."_

"_Oh, my brother and his friends ruined it years ago. They threw it in the fire pit on a camping trip." The girl lied with ease._

"_Must be a real important clip to save it from a fire, I'm surprised the plastic didn't melt."_

_Autumn gnawed her lip, realizing the flaw in her lie._

"_I guess it was just a lucky day," she shrugged._

"_You know my older sister use to cut. She kept it going for a while, too. I think she hid it from us for almost a year. She slipped up though. I caught her when I walked into her room. Kind of like how I caught you."_

_Autumn's face hardened. "I don't do that. And personally, I think you should stay out of other people's business."_

"_She said that too." Tully nodded._

_Autumn's fists clenched at her sides. "Screw you. You don't even know me! Why would you accuse someone of doing something like that?"_

"_Because it's the truth," Tully said simply. "If it's not, prove me wrong. Show me your arms, and if I'm wrong I'm a bitch. It's as simple as that."_

_Autumn's eyes widened. Panic had set in across her face. "I don't have to prove anything to you," she said, making a move to leave._

_Tully blocked her exist._

"_Move out of the way."_

"_Show me your arms, Autumn."_

"_I said _move_!"_

"_Autumn, show me your arms."_

"_God," Autumn said, "what's your problem? I don't cut, so leave me the hell alone and move out of my damn way!"_

"_No." Tully said, crossing her arms over her chest._

_Autumn snarled. "I said to move!"_

"_I will, if you show me your arms."_

_Tully knew this was wrong. She wasn't handling this right. But she didn't care. She needed to be proven wrong._

_Autumn suddenly began to cry. "I don't understand why you're doing this! I've done nothing to you!"_

_Tully's face softened and she want to put a comforting hand on the girls shoulder._

"_Don't touch me!" Autumn screamed at her._

"_Autumn…please," Tully pleaded softly._

_Autumn was shaking with sobs, but slowly she lifted her sleeves of the white button up blouse. _

_They weren't scars. They were burn marks in the shape of her hairclip. Some were old and tanned. Others were red, and then the fresh one was a puss filled blister. _

"_Oh, Autumn," Tully said, feeling tears roll down her cheeks._

"_Please, Tully, _please_ promise me you won't tell anyone." The girl begged._

"_Autumn, I can't –"_

"_Please!" The girl whimpered._

"_What if you went and got help. There's a group on campus –" _

"_No! No one here can know about this. This has to stay between you and me."_

_Tully agreed, but it didn't stop her from finding a place where Autumn could talk to someone._

_Finally, after weeks of searching, going to the counselor's office, Google searches, she'd finally found a group that met in the small main section of the town._

_It took a lot of convincing, but Autumn finally decided it wouldn't hurt her to check it out. And that's when the healing had begun._

_Or Tully liked to believe it was healing._

_She knew her friend could never be truly healed until she made peace with her family, and she doubted that would ever happen._

Tully sighed, and shoved her work away.

She decided to go down to the empty common room and watch some television. She needed to do something to get her mind off of things.

She gathered up her mug, pouring some milk into it, and pulled out a packet of coco mix and a packet of chips ahoy, she made her way to the longue upstairs on the fifth floor.

The common area was nice. Of course it was abandoned on the weekends. No one stayed in when there was Nicky's and various parties thrown by the public school kids.

She rounded the corner when she saw the last two people she wanted to see in her old sweat pants and long sleeved grey shirt and fuzzy purple slippers holding cookies and coco: Reid Garwin and Tyler Simms.

At first they didn't notice her. They were too busy arguing over who was going to drive to Nicky's. But then Reid noticed her.

At first he pretended not to, which pissed her off enormously. The douche could sleep with her, but he couldn't have the decency to say a simple hello when he passed her in the halls.

"Hey, Reid," she said, giving him a fake smile. She wasn't going to stand being treated like something he wiped off his trainers. She was going to make him squirm.

At first he tried to avoid saying anything. She could tell he wanted to ignore her and keep walking, but his friend was nudging him.

"Hey, Tully," he said, his tone was annoyed.

"How have you been? I hope you've been really sick, because that would be the only excuse you'd have to not talk to me after Friday. I mean, I totally get it; you're a bad ass player. You jump girl to girl. But considering the fact that it was your loud mouth that let everyone in this entire school know I slept with you, I'd appreciate it if you'd at least grow a pair of balls and try to pretend I don't exist every time you and I are in the same area."

Reid and Tyler both shared identical shocked expressions. In all the years of Reid's womanizing, not one girl had ever had the backbone to speak up about it.

Tully felt a sense of shock and empowerment. She didn't expect to say any of those things, but once she got started she couldn't stop. She was tired of being treated like easy trash when she wasn't.

Reid's mouth snapped shut, and his eyes narrowed. "Sorry, I didn't know that you didn't get what you were going into when you said yes."

Tully's fist clenched, crushing her cookies. She felt her anger sore. She had a flippant remark ready at the tip of her tongue, but she felt the cold handle of her pink _Hello Kitty _mug and smirked.

It was quick. And he definitely wasn't expecting it, and he didn't have time to dodge out of the way.

It slowly hit him in the face. The cold, white liquid slid down from the strands of hair and down to his black shirt.

"Shit!" He cursed. "You bitch!"

But Tully said nothing. She just turned and left him, making her way to the common room.


	5. Chapter Four: Family Portrait

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Covenant.

* * *

**Chapter Four: Family Portrait**

"_Families are messy. Immortal families are eternally messy. Sometimes the best we can do is to remind each other that we're related for better or for worse...and try to keep the maiming and killing to a minimum." _

― _Rick Riordan, The Sea of Monsters_

The dinner was painfully silent.

Autumn couldn't take much more of it.

She thought about her happy place, but even it wasn't working. She needed a new one quick, one where it wasn't plagued with her parents or the sons.

Her swing!

The old swing out in the woods. It was long ago abandoned and she found it one day when she was seven. It was hers, and as far as she knew, no one knew about it.

"So, how has school been?" Evelyn Danvers asked, breaking the silence and swishing the wine in her cup.

"It's been fine," Caleb said.

"What about you, Autumn? Have you joined any clubs, or…made any friends."

Autumn resisted the urge to sigh.

"It's been fine. I can't complain." She said with a shrug.

"I see," her mother said.

"What do you 'see' exactly, Mother?" Autumn asked coolly.

"Well isn't it obvious? You're lonely there. I knew you should have stayed here at home. A young girl can't grow and be happy if they're lonely all the time."

Autumn's jaw clenched, feeling her blood start to boil over, and she took a deep, calming breath, trying to hang on to her cool, uncaring exterior with no avail.

"What makes you think I wouldn't be lonely here, _Mother_? And as a matter of fact, I have a friend there. A great friend in fact," Autumn snapped.

Evelyn gave her daughter a cold look. "You should be around your family. Especially with the recent events," her mother paused for a moment, her eyes narrowing slightly as she took her daughter's cold demeanor in. "Or do you just not care?"

Autumn wanted to scream. If she had the strength to do it, she would have flipped the table.

"No, I can't exactly say that I care at all." Autumn said coldly, sneering at her mother, keeping the charade up. "And to be honest, I don't want to be around you or this family." And with that, Autumn stood up, and made her way to leave.

"Autumn," Caleb called after her, over their mother's sputters.

She didn't stop walking. She just kept going. Her head held high, chin pointed out, trying desperately to choke her tears back as she walked, what was left of her heart shattering like glass.

**:+:**

Caleb went to go after his sister when his mother stopped him.

"Leave her," her mother snapped coldly, despite the tears running down her cheeks.

"Mom, she's –"

"Leave her be. She wants to act like an ungrateful brat, let her."

Caleb looked over to the door, almost daring to run after Autumn and make her listen to reason, but went back to his seat and sat down like the obedient son he was.

Caleb couldn't blame his sister for the outburst. Even if he was pissed at how she left him and all the other things she'd done, he couldn't help but feel proud of her. It was the first time in a long time where Autumn had should any emotion. That he'd seen the light flicker behind her cold eyes.

And he had to agree with her about Tully being her friend. It wasn't like the Autumn was a social butterfly. If she didn't live with Tully they'd never had their weird friendship.

**:+:**

Autumn didn't stop running. She felt her legs cramp from the exertion, but choose to ignore it, knowing she'd be there soon. It'd been a while since she'd ran anywhere, especially up a steep hill.

She tried to maneuver past the small branches that left cuts on her cheeks every time she got slapped by one. She tried to strain her eyes to see past the dark patches of earth and bark to see the pathway to her swing. Her feet seemed to know the right way to guide her.

She let them lead her to the old oak branch where the old, fraying ropes help an old, worn wooden swing.

She collapsed onto the swing, the branch creaking in protest. She rested her cheek against the rough, itchy rope.

Closing her eyes she could almost see the sunshine poking through the branches as she pumped her legs, trying in vain to reach the clear blue sky.

She rocked her legs, making the swing move. It calmed her angry nerves.

Her mother was oblivious, Autumn would give her that. If there was a person alive that thought that god forsaken house wasn't the epitome of loneliness, they were crazy.

She didn't let herself dwell on the anger. She knew that it wasn't helping her coping technique. She needed to think about her happiness.

**:+:**

Tyler followed Reid back to the dorm as he went off about what Tully had done.

The youngest son couldn't exactly blame the girl for tossing milk at the Garwin teen. Reid had been a jerk and had gotten what he deserved. And Tyler also thought it was pretty funny.

He was glad Reid hadn't noticed it in time to use. It would have blown their cover for sure, it was, obviously, a perfect aim, and no one was that stupid to believe it could miss.

And knowing Reid, he would have aimed it at the blonde girl's face.

Tyler sprawled across his bed, kicking off his sneakers, as Reid went to go shower and change.

Once he was sure he was alone he reached under his mattress and pulled out the small green book.

_It was one of those days again. _

_Some days I wish I were Helen Keller. She may have had struggles, but I envy the fact that she can't hear or see anyone. She's just alone to the world._

_It must be nice, having no one around. No one can judge you and you don't have to act like you care. _

_At this school, caring is like a sign of weakness. If I were to cry, scream, do anything but simply ignore it they'd make life hell. Well a bigger hell than it already is._

_As if it could get any worse._

_Do you know what they call me? Ice Queen._

_Harsh, isn't it? But that's what life is. Life is a harsh, cruel thing that supposedly has a big surprise at the end of the journey. I've had my doubts that there is some big, mystical prize. But that's okay. My struggles, what I've had to endure, that's made me a bit stronger. It's given me tough skin to endure their words. Everything I've been through, it's made me who I am._

_And yet, it's not enough._

_I can talk myself up with all of that, but I'm still a sixteen year old girl. I'm still learning and finding myself, and I feel so lost and alone. _

_But I'm not alone._

_Not anymore._

_I have Tully, I have Peyton, and I have a whole support group at the center trying to help me find myself._

_I'll be okay. I __have__ to be okay for them if not myself. If I let them down, I don't know what I'll do – if I'm here to feel like that, I mean._

**:+:**

Autumn sat on her swing for a long time. She couldn't help but remember hating swinging. How the very thought use to scare her, and then one day Tyler made her try it, and she fell in love with it.

She loved the feeling of flying of sweet freedom where no one could touch you, figuratively of course.

She began to hum the old familiar tune. The one her mother used to sing to her when she'd brush her hair and put her to bed.

_In the eye abides the heart._

_Every pure and tender feeling,_

_All emotions worth revealing,_

_Through the eyes their charm imparts._

She felt the hot, burning tears beneath her eye lids. She clenched her eyes tighter.

_No! I will not cry! _

She got up, feeling stiff. She had to go back to the house before –

"Yeah, before they come and find me!" Autumn shouted to nothing, her voice bitter and hoarse.

Then she began to laugh. She laughed to hard she fell to her knees. Then she began to cry.

"I hate you!" She screamed at the black sky. "I'm glad you're gone! I wish I never met you! You were a horrible person, and I hate you for what you do to me… for what you did to _us_!"

Then she cried harder, rocking back and forth on her heals, humming the tune over and over.

"Autumn," she heard her brother call. It was faint, and she knew he wasn't too far from where she was.

She brought herself to a stand, wiping her eyes and face of the tears, making her face into the emotionless mask she was a master at.

_Time to go face the music,_ she thought, going towards her brother.


	6. Chapter Five: In A Cold Night

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Covenant.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I am very sorry for the inconvenience. For those of you who don't know, I accidently didn't upload the first chapter, and have posted it. I am also sorry for neglecting this story, especially since I promised to update after deleting it so abruptly. I feel terrible for everyone who likes this story, and I am trying to write more of this along with my other stories. Since I didn't have any internet over Christmas I have chapter six and chapter seven done and will be typing and posting them both ASAP! I think you will enjoy them and I hope you can forgive me for not updating in so long. Thank you everyone who has favorited, followed, and reviewed this story. I wish I could answer the questions I have received in my reviews, but I can say this: Autumn and Tully, while their friendship is nice, don't share many secrets. Mostly because they're both very proud people and keep their secrets close, but more importantly, neither know how to talk about their pain. But that's all I have to say on the matter because I don't want to spoil the story for anyone anymore than I just did. Cheers, and a Happy New Year!

* * *

**Chapter Five: In a Cold Night**

"_It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."_

_-Albus Dumbledore._

Autumn picked her way back through the brush when she felt it.

She let out a panic yelp and glanced behind her shoulder.

No one was there. But she knew she felt someone touch her shoulder.

_It was probably a branch or something. _She thought, trying to be reasonable.

_Yeah, a branch with fingers, _her more logical side sniped.

She froze. She could feel someone, but she knew no one was physically there.

"Autumn," a voice whispered, making a chill run up her spine as the hand on her shoulder came back, its grip tight. "Help me."

Autumn bit her lip to suppress a scream, not daring to look behind her.

"Help me." The voice begged, the wind hallowing louder as the urgency in the voice grew.

The howl broke her frozen state as she snapped back to reality hard. Without thinking about anything, she broke into a sprint. Branches, brambles, twigs, slapped against her as she shoved her way through them, not even paying attention where she was going as her adrenaline pounded.

Suddenly she smacked into someone and fell backwards towards the hard earth.

"Jesus, Autumn," Caleb snarled at her. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Autumn picked herself up, turning to look behind her. "Someone was following me. I felt someone put their hand on my shoulder. They talked to me!"

Her voice sounded far too panicked for her liking, but she couldn't worry about that. Someone who wasn't physically there had followed her, had touched her, _talked _to her.

"I don't see anyone." Caleb said, looking into the forest.

"Look, I know what I heard, and I know what I felt. Someone was there, Caleb."

Caleb walked towards the path his sister had run out of and peered around. There was only one set of footprints for as far as he could see.

"Well whoever it was they took off."

Autumn held her arms, shivering. Why was she so cold all of the sudden?

"Let's just go back, I guess." She said hesitantly, glancing into the forest.

Caleb rolled his eyes. "I don't get why you have to be so dramatic about everything. Our house isn't this prison, Autumn."

Autumn let her fingers slide over the fabric that hid the truth, she closed her eyes. "Maybe not to you, but to me, it's worse than a prison."

"You're a spoilt brat, you know that?" Caleb snapped at her.

Autumn felt the rage buildup, but she didn't want to fight. She was cold and terrified, and all wanted to get as far away from the wood as humanly possible.

"Whatever, Caleb," she said, leading the way up the path to the house.

"You don't even try! You just shove us all away!" Caleb yelled at her.

"That's rich," Autumn said, spinning around to face her brother, feeling a bit nauseous from the sudden motion. "You and Mom seem to do a whole lot of shoving as well. Or did I imagine the fact that our mothers a drunk?"

"She's –"

"Pathetic, Caleb. She's just plain pathetic. She lets dad dictate to how she feels. Even when he's six feet under he still has this sick hold on her! I don't want to live with it!"

"She's our mother, Autumn! Who else will help her if we don't?" Caleb argued, throwing his hands up in the air.

"It's her job to raise us, Caleb, not the other way around. And I'm done arguing about this."

"Well I'm not," he snapped.

"Then argue with yourself, because I don't care enough to continue. I don't need her, I didn't need dad, and I certainly don't need you!"

As soon as the words left her mouth she regretted saying them. She saw Caleb's anger crumble to bitter anguish. She wanted to apologize, but she couldn't. She had meant what she said, she'd only be sorry for saying it out loud.

"You think you got it all figured out, don't you. You think with the trust fund you can just disinherit your family? I worked my ass off to try and be there when dad couldn't be and you don't even appreciate it. I can't even believe you!" Her brother said his voice both hurt and angry.

"I don't need that money, either. And I know I don't have anything figured out. But at least with whatever I do I'll survive. And maybe if you had tried being my brother instead things would have been different. You didn't need to fill a spot of a man who'd rather wilt away to a petrified old, selfish man than be there for his family. All I needed was for you to be my brother, but instead you shut me off every time I tried to talk to you, telling me I didn't need to worry about anything. Well we did need to talk, and clearly I did need to worry. But it's too late for that, Caleb! Just like everything else in this stupid family! Hell, we aren't even family! We only look after ourselves because it's all we know how to do, and I think it's time you faced that fact instead of making it all out to be _my _fault!"

With that she turned on her heel and stormed off up the backyard. She'd walk back to the school for all she cared. And thankfully, her brother didn't care either.

**:+:**

"So she just blew up and left?" Reid asked as they played pool at Nicky's.

The bar was packed wall to wall as usual, and the sons had been lucky to get a pool table.

"Pretty much," Caleb said, running a hand down his face, feeling guilty.

"Do you think she made it back to campus safely?" Tyler asked.

"I hope so," Caleb said.

"Well if what she said about the woods is true, then you should have driven her home," Reid snapped angrily.

"Excuse me for not wanting to force her to ride back with me." The oldest son snapped, but knew it was a poor excuse.

No matter how pissed Autumn had made him, something could be after her. And she was his baby sister, after all.

None of the other sons said anything on the matter and went back to their pool game, knowing it was too late to go get Autumn, and after all, he was doing what he did best: Looking after himself.

**:+:**

There was darkness. She couldn't see anything, but knew there were things to be seen where she was.

"Hello?" Autumn called out, her voice fading into the darkness.

She swallowed. Something was wrong here. She felt like someone was watching her, but whom? No one was around.

Her heart pounded in her ears.

"Who's there?" Autumn called out, her voice demanding, showing no signs of the fear she felt. If someone was watching her, then she wouldn't give them the satisfaction of knowing that they had scared her.

"Show yourself!"

"But why would I do such a thing, Autumn?" A cold, calculative male's voice questioned from the shadows.

Autumn frowned, not the least bit amused by the response. "Who are you?" She snapped.

The voice gave a dark chuckle. "You'll know who I am in time."

"What do you want with me?" She asked, narrowing her eyes to peer through the darkness.

"It isn't really what I want. You see, I need something, and only you can give it to me." He said.

"And what do you need from me?" Autumn asked, trying to remain calm.

There was a long deafening silence between them, and then he finally spoke. "When it's time, that question will be answered too."

Then with a gut wrenching jolt, Autumn was flying up to a sitting position in her bed.

She ran a hand through her hair. _It was a dream, relax._

**:+:**

Tyler jolted upright in his bed, reaching for the bedside lamp, and knocking it over.

The sound of the ceramic breaking woke Reid up with a long string of profanities.

"Baby boy, what the-"

"Didn't you feel it?" Tyler asked his friend, the confusion and panic laced his voice.

"Feel what?"

"That jolt of power. Someone just used, and they used a lot."

Both boys stared at each other, and then Reid pulled out his cell and dialed a number.

Neither boy said anything as Reid waited for the person at the other end to answer, there was nothing to say, nothing to clarify. They knew who was using, all four boys had anticipated it for months and now it was here.

"Caleb," Reid said gruffly, probably cutting the oldest son off. "We have a problem."

**:+:  
**

Tyler and Reid drove in silence to the old colony house.

This was bad, and nothing either could say would help that fact.

If Chase w_as _back, they needed to find him and destroy him.

Pulling up to the old rundown wooden fence, Tyler cut the engine and got out. He saw Caleb and Pogue were already inside.

Pogue and Caleb sat at the circle, the Damination already in front of them. They both were talking in low, urgent voices as they flipped carefully through the pages.

"Good you two are here." Caleb said, his eyes not leaving the old, heavy, worn leather book.

Both boys sat down and waited for the oldest to speak.

"So Tyler, are you sure what you felt was power?" Caleb asked warily, making the younger son's jaw clench.

"Yes, it woke me up from a sound sleep. It was weird though. I could see someone, but I couldn't make the person out." Tyler said, straining to remember the blurry figure in the darkness. "It wasn't a male I saw though. This person looked like a girl."

"Are you sure it was girl?" Pogue asked skeptically.

"I'm positive. The person I saw wasn't Chase at all." Tyler nodded.

"But, Baby Boy, we all know girls don't get the power, and the only girl who could possibly have it, is Autumn." Reid said, trying to keep his patience.

"I know that. But I know what I saw, and it wasn't Chase." Tyler said.

"Well," Caleb said, running his hands down his face. "Maybe you were dreaming; felt the power and your dream became dark."

Tyler thought about it. That was logical. But he knew it wasn't right. He was seeing something he was either supposed to see as bait, or something he wasn't supposed to see.

Either way, the girl in the distance was someone they had to find, and he knew just where to look.


	7. Chapter Six: Darkness Surrounds You

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Covenant.

**Chapter Six: Darkness Surrounds You**

"_We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." _

― _Plato_

Have you ever felt something was wrong? Like the problem was staring you right in the eye and you were too blind to place your finger on it?

That was how Autumn felt as she got ready for school that morning after her dream.

In just one night, her whole world felt off balance and she didn't know why. It wasn't like she'd never had nightmares before, so why was she so set on dwelling on it?

She looked into the mirror, observing her face, her eyes, anything that would say something was different.

When she saw nothing out of place she gave an angry sigh and slammed her palms onto the vanity counter. "Knock it off, Autumn. You're just messing with yourself, so we are going to put this in the past and move on."

She turned to leave when a white fog filled the bathroom and a body jumped out at her. She let out a shrill, terrified shriek and jumped back into the vanity knocking everything off and onto the floor.

"Autumn," Tully's voice came from the other side of the door. The girl knocked and jiggled the handle. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

The fog had dissipated and the body was gone. Her breath came in heavy gulps.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine. Just – um, I just saw a really big spider." She lied, trying to calm herself down.

She unlocked the bathroom door and began getting ready for the day, trying to forget about what had happened.

_It wasn't real. It wasn't real. _She repeated in her head all the way to the mess hall for breakfast, hoping if she said it enough times it would be real.

**:+:**

"You're being jumpy today," Tully said, talking a sip from her orange juice.

Autumn didn't say anything, just continued to stir her soggy cereal.

"Seriously, Autumn, what's wrong? And don't say 'nothing', because that's a lie."

Autumn gave a sharp sigh. "Why does everyone want me to talk about how I feel? What if I don't want to talk about it? What if I want to forget and move on?"

"Autumn –" Tully began.

"You can't move on if you just sit there and dwell on it!" Autumn said, standing up.

"Where the hell is all of this coming from?" Tully asked, shocked at her friends outburst.

"I just want everyone to leave me alone! That's where it's coming from." Autumn snapped, and with that walked away.

Tully felt her face redden and tears prickle her eyes.

"What's wrong with her?" Reid asked from beside her shoulder.

Tully jumped, not aware of the older boy's presence.

"I don't know," she said, then made her way to leave.

"Wait, Tully," Reid said, grabbing the girls arm.

Tully tried to yank it free, but Reid wasn't having it. "_What? _I already told you I don't know what's wrong with her today, and if you don't mind I'd like to go to the library and study."

"Look, Goldie Locks, can you give a message to Autumn for me?"

"No." Tully snapped. "I'm not your fucking messenger pigeon. You want to talk to her; you haul your lazy ass and find her."

Reid gave her a glare. "Fine, be a bitch."

Tully's cheeks reddened and her blood pressure soared. "Says the jackass that slept with me and left me all alone in the woods, asleep, nonetheless, with the possibility of another disgusting pig could have done anything to me, yeah, I'm really sorry if I don't feel the big need to do anything for the likes of _you_."

Reid snorted. "You're so dramatic. It was one night of meaningless sex, and you were perfectly fine out there."

Tully's vision blurred from angry tears and without warning, she'd smacked him. The sound made everyone turn to them, their mouths open and eyes wide, then the hushed whispers began buzzing like bees. It was the second time she'd done something he hadn't expected, and the shock of her slap made him let go of her arm. "You are a disgusting pig, and I wish to God I could take it back. I'd do anything to change that night. I hope you get what you deserve one day, Reid, and I personally hope I'm there to witness it."

With that she left, leaving him and everyone watching the scene she'd left behind in shock.

**:+:**

Tyler saw Autumn storm out of the mess hall and wasted no time of going after her.

"Autumn," he shouted after her across the lawn.

He knew she heard him because of her slight pause, but she kept going at her brisk pace with her head down.

"Autumn, wait, please," he pleaded with her, jogging to catch up with her before she made it back to her dorms.

The girl didn't wait, she just kept moving, but she wasn't walking towards the dorms, she was moving towards the woods.

His eyes turned black and suddenly he was in front of her, grasping onto her shoulders.

"What?" She snapped at him, her angry chocolate brown eyes looking into his cobalt blue ones. "What is it that _you _of all people could possibly want to bother me with?"

"Autumn, something happened last night –" He began, only to have her cut him off.

"Great, now you're here to try and tell me to apologize to Caleb. Well isn't that nice! I get the message, Tyler, so now you can leave me alone." She said, trying to be removed from his iron grip.

"No, Autumn, please listen to me. Please!"

She stopped, and looked at him. "And why should I?"

"Because what I have to ask you can put you into serious danger. I shouldn't even be talking to you about this, but you have to know." He said.

She waited for him to continue.

"Can we go somewhere private? If your brother sees us, he'll do everything he can to make me not tell you."

Autumn thought about it for a moment. What did she have to lose? And whatever he needed to tell her sounded important. "Fine," she shrugged.

He led her across the campus to the parking lot and they got in his car and went for a drive.

**:+:**

They were nearing a path in the woods by the old colony house when Tyler cut the engine and got out.

Autumn paused for a moment then followed his lead. She climbed out of the hummer and followed him into the woods, thinking about all the other times she'd followed him blindly.

**oOo**It was almost fall when Tyler Simms climbed the gate to get into the Danvers' property. He made his way to the old maple tree that lead to Autumn's room, giving a small smile he began to climb. Autumn was fast asleep in her bed looking peaceful. Tyler tried to see if the window was unlocked, and of course it wasn't.

**oOo**

_He began to knock on the glass, calling her name softly so he wouldn't wake anyone else._

_Autumn rolled over in her bed, facing away from the window._

_He knocked louder, jolting her awake._

_Her barely awake body observed the room looking for the noise._

"_Autumn, open the window," he called to her, tapping the glass._

_Her head swiveled over to him and her eyes widened in shock, then nodded to herself. She jumped out of the bed and went over to the window, throwing back the lacy curtains and unlocking the window._

"_What are you doing here?" She asked him as he climbed in._

"_My parents were fighting; I just had to get out of there." He said, sitting down on her bed._

_Autumn nodded. Despite being only eight, she'd gotten used to Tyler coming over to get away from his parents screaming. She'd gone exploring, let him stay with her until the sun had risen, playing monopoly or candy land. Whatever he wanted to do to get his mind off of what went on at his house Autumn let him do it._

_She stood watching him, waiting for him to make suggestions and then she'd follow his lead._

"_Have I taken you up to the hillside in the woods?" Tyler asked her._

_"No, is it far from here?" He got up, "Kind of. Do you want to go?"_

"_Sure," she nodded. "Let's go."_

**oOo**

"Okay, so what is so important that you dragged me out here, Tyler?" Autumn snapped.

Tyler sat down on the grass and rubbed his hands across his face. "You may want to sit down."

"Cut the dramatics and just tell me," she bit out, crossing her arms across her chest.

Tyler looked at her and gave a sigh. "I felt something last night, Autumn."

"Okay…" Autumn said, not exactly getting what was so awful about it.

"It was power. And whoever was using was using a lot. I haven't felt someone use since Chase."

"Chase?" She asked with a raised eye brow. "I though you guys said he was dead."

"We thought he was, I mean he disappeared."

Autumn felt unease inside of her.

"Well you're not even sure if he's around." Autumn said, wrapping her arms across her elbows, feeling cold. The fear she had felt earlier that morning was back, and all she could do was hear that coarse voice in the dark. How cold and calculating it was. The power it held over her. And then this morning in the bathroom with the fog and the body, this all wasn't a coincidence.

"Autumn, I've only ever felt this when Chase was around. You need to realize he's back, and I think you're in danger." Tyler said, standing up.

"You think I'm in danger? Why would I be in danger?" She squeaked, suddenly panicked.

"Don't be stupid, Autumn! Chase will use you to get to us!"

Autumn laughed, but felt uneasy. "And people say I blow things out of proportion. Look, are we done with this waste of time, I have a test to study for."

"Autumn, stop it! I know it's all some act! You're scared and it's okay!"

"It's not some act, Tyler, I just don't care." Autumn said. She knew that the moment Tyler left her, she'd try and find out about her dream, but until then she had to remain calm.

Right now, in front of Tyler, Chase wasn't back. She had no reason to be afraid, to be vulnerable.

But something inside her argued that. She should tell him about the dream, the bathroom, everything. He could help her.

But she didn't believe he would. She didn't trust him.

Tyler looked at her, his eyes full of sadness and anger. "Whatever. I'll take you back then."

"Don't bother, I want to walk."

"Please don't be an idiot! Let me drive you."

Autumn crossed her arms. "I'm not eight anymore, Tyler. I'm not just going to follow you blindly for the rest of my life."

"Maybe you should! Clearly you can't make rational decisions on your own!" Tyler yelled.

"Well here's my first rational decision: I'm out of here!" And with that she began to trek into the old worn path of the forest.

"Autumn, seriously, stop!" Tyler said after her.

"Leave me alone, Tyler!"

But he didn't. He wasn't Caleb, and he wasn't her mother, he wasn't going to let her turn away from her problems. Not anymore.

"Autumn, stop," he said, grabbing her arm.

"Let me go," she screamed, trying to pry her arm away.

"No, Autumn," he yelled at her, grabbing her arms and pinning them to her side, "stop!"

She glared at him, knowing she was ultimately powerless in the situation. Tyler had the upper hand with strength and he also had power, her fighting him was useless. As fast as her angry fire crackled in her eyes, it blew out.

"Tyler," she said breathlessly, suddenly feeling dizzy. If he wasn't holding her, she would have collapsed to the ground. Everything in her drained out as quickly as it came, leaving her pale and listless.

"Autumn," Tyler said, observing her worriedly as she faded. He shook her gently, feeling frantic.

"I'm so tired," she said breathlessly. "Let me go home. Please."

Searching her face, he frowned, grasping her shoulders hard as her head fell forward.

**:+:**

There was a pale white light when she opened her eyes. She saw that she was curled up on a bed of mist and felt confused and dizzy, and then someone reached out their hand.

"Autumn," that cold calculative voice said as if he'd been expecting her all along.

She looked up at him, biting back her scream.

"Aw, come now, don't be scared." He said, grinning smugly. "I have an offer that you can't refuse."

Autumn's eyes narrowed as she sat up, taking his hand. "Really? And what could you possibly be offering me?"

"Yes," he said. "You see, Autie – may I call you Autie?" She nodded, feeling confused as he continued. "You see, I've been stuck here for quite some time thanks to your brother, I think because I didn't die, I can share my power."

"What?" She asked, confused. Where was here? And how did he not die? And sharing power? The questions clouded her mind, making her zone out and nearly miss him continue. She felt overwhelmed by him.

"When Caleb hit me, I was transported here. I think its near-death, but who the hell knows." He said, looking around the pale light disdainfully. "And you've been the only thing I've been able to get in contact with."

"Why?" She croaked.

"I think," he said, tugging on a lock of her dark hair, twisting it around his finger. "It's because of your blood ties with the Covenant, and other things."

Her heart thudded.

"This place is funny, isn't it, Autie?" He said, smiling, making her feel uneasy.

"I still don't understand what you want with me." She said, playing stupid. She knew, and he knew she knew too.

But he always loved games.

"Well, this place is inconveniencing for me, I mean no body, no way back to the physical world, no point. But I have power. A lot of power. And since I want to get back to the real world, I think I need you."

"And what if I refuse to help you?" She challenged, feeling that she could walk away. Leave him here to rot in the pale light all alone.

He chuckled darkly. "You see Autie, you can't." He dropped the lock of hair and grabbed her chin and whispered into her ear, "I'm already a part of your soul."

Her eyes widened. "H-ho-"

"Suicide attempts are a bitch, aren't they? Especially when there's no logical way you could have survived."

She felt her heart beat faster. She felt sick by what he was saying.

"_I _saved you. You were here, barely, and I grabbed you, made you go back. You were so confused, you did."

She'd always wondered how she came back that night. She'd swallowed pills the night of her dad's real funeral. She should have been dead, but she woke up and got sick and didn't try again.

She thought fate wanted her to survive. That she had a purpose.

And she did.

Chase was her purpose.

Chase had become one with her.

"Now, the deal," he said, dropping her chin. "I know you must be curious about it."

She stayed silent, her eyes not leaving him as he began to reveal his plan.

**:+:**

"What happened?" Caleb exploded as he made his way down the staircase to the basement of the colony house.

Tyler had lain Autumn across the alter that was usually lit in the ring of fire with the Damination in the middle. She hadn't stirred since she collapsed in his arms nearly an hour ago in the woods. He thought that she had died a few times, but the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest calmed him down.

He didn't know what had happened to her. There was no logical reason for her to pass out like this, even with the fear of Chase's return.

Caleb shoved pass the youngest son to his little sister, a worried look marring his face.

"Well?" He snapped, shouting Tyler a menacing gaze.

"We were talking," he explained quickly, feeling his heart race as Pogue and Reid came down the stairs. "She and I argued and then she just collapsed."

"That's bullshit!" Caleb seethed.

"It's the truth. We talked, argued, and she fainted. That's all that happened."

"What did you two argue about?" Pogue asked, crossing his arms.

"Nothing, it was stupid." He said with a shrug.

"Had to be something big to make her faint," Pogue observed, looking at her.

"Well it wasn't," the lie came simply. Tyler wasn't worried about any of them finding out he told her about Chase, for some odd freeing reason. He didn't care if they knew he cared about her safety. They didn't know Autumn anymore then they knew him. He and Autumn were oddly the same: Two kids from messed up families. But Autumn had it worse. She was alone in her broken world. He wasn't.

At least, he wasn't always lonely.

"You told her," Caleb growled, grabbing his shirt, but Reid intervened.

"No, I did," Reid said, prying Caleb's hand off Tyler's shirt.

"You _what_?!" Caleb cried in outrage, his face red as he glared at the blonde son.

"Yep," Reid said, rocking back on his heels, not a care that Caleb was going to tear him to shreds at any moment. "I told her. She deserved to know." He gave a dramatic sigh. "I guess she didn't believe me and asked Baby Boy, and well, here we are."

"Reid, do you have any idea of what you've done?" Caleb screamed, fisting his hair.

"Nope," Reid said popping the p. "Neither do you. But I do know keeping people – people we love, by the way – in the dark about Chase is not only a dangerous idea, but a stupid one."

"Reid, I swear –"

But Caleb didn't get a chance to finish his threat, because at that moment, Autumn woke up with a loud, terrified gasp.


	8. Chapter Seven: And Haunts You

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Covenant.**

* * *

**Chapter Seven: And Haunts You**

"_Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content"_

_-Helen Keller._

The first thing she saw when she awoke was a dark light. At first, she thought she was still with Chase, but then she heard Caleb's gruff voice.

"Autumn, are you okay?" He asked, grabbing her hand.

She looked at him, her eyes wide with confusion as if she'd never seen him before. He looked so worried, scared even. Her heart pounded hard seeing this, she nearly winced in pain.

"C-Caleb," she whispered hoarsely, looking around the room, seeing the lit candles that casted a glow on the other three boys that were there. "What happened?" She asked, trying to sit up, but Caleb stopped her.

"That's what we'd like to know," he said, throwing a dark look at Reid, which made her even more confused.

The only thing she remembered before being with Chase is her and Tyler talking, then her yelling at him. What did Reid have to do with anything?

"What's the last thing you remember?" Caleb asked frantically, shaking her hand to focus her.

She felt groggy. As if memories and speech were so strenuous. But it was Chase's deal with her, a deal she could never break, that exhausted her. It was the silence forced upon her as she was trying to fight and scream at them all that she knew.

"I remember Tyler," she said softly. "I just got so tired, and… I don't know what happened to me."

The three boys looked at Tyler, who nodded his head, looking at her.

She felt panicked for a slight moment. The gaze he was giving her, it was liked he knew her secret. It was as if he was seeing right through her, reading her mind, learning her secrets. And she didn't like that.

But she knew that was impossible. No one would ever guess about Chase, and if they did, there would be no proof.

"Where are we?" She asked weakly, looking around the unfamiliar place. There were jagged stone walls, and it was damp and musty. Everything that wasn't laminated by old, dying candles was left in an endless darkness. And where she lay was hard and uncomfortable, like stone.

"This is the room of the Covenant," Caleb said, as if it were obvious. "C'mon, I'll take you to the hospital."

"What? No, I don't need to go there!" Autumn said, feeling her heart race. She had to go back to the dorm. She and Chase made the deal, and if she broke it… A chill went down her spine. She didn't even want to imagine what would happen if she didn't keep her end of the bargain.

"C'mon," Caleb said, picking her up, ignoring what she said completely.

"Caleb, I'm fine. Really, I am. It's just what I found out and everything, I went into shock." She said frantically.

Caleb paused for a moment, turning to Reid. "I hope you're happy about that."

"Never been happier in my entire life," Reid bit back sarcastically.

"What are you two talking about?" Autumn said, feeling annoyed, but also trying to stall. Maybe if she distracted them, they'd forget about the hospital.

It wasn't the least bit plausible, but it was all she had to work with.

"Autumn," Reid said in a rough voice. "Don't you remember? I told you and you freaked out."

"Wh- No! That never happened!" She said angrily, but then looked at him. His eyes were pleading with her to play along with this charade.

He was saving Tyler's skin. She wasn't supposed to know about Chase for some stupid reason.

"I guess you must have forgotten…" he said, giving her a slight nod.

She frowned. Should she go along with it? If she did, Caleb would insist she'd need a doctor and it would prolong what Chase wanted her to do. But if she didn't, Reid and Tyler would be in the wrath of her brother, and most likely Pogue.

"Yeah…" she said hesitantly. "I – my memory… it's a bit foggy." She placed a hand on her forehead to emphasize her point.

Caleb frowned. "Tyler, we'll use your car to get you there. Pogue, deal with Reid."

Pogue nodded, and Autumn looked sadly at Reid, who nodded his thanks to her.

**:+:**

Caleb lay Autumn down across the seats, putting her head onto his lap, Tyler taking the wheel.

Autumn gnawed on her lips, thinking about Reid being punished. She wondered what Pogue would do to him. She knew why Pogue followed her brother's orders like a dog to an extent, but to punish his own friend? That she didn't understand. And she didn't understand what Reid – Tyler, really – did wrong.

"Are you feeling any better?" Caleb asked, brushing stray strands of hair out of her face.

"I'm fine," she lied, sighing as the car tossed her up and down as Tyler drove over the bumpy dirt road.

"Good," Caleb said absentmindedly, turning to look out the window.

Autumn felt a twist in her stomach. Chase wasn't going to be happy with her delay.

She closed her eyes, trying to not think about what would happen. She needed to calm down or she'd give herself a panic attack.

"I still can't believe Reid did this." Caleb said suddenly, breaking the icy silence. He hadn't stopped staring out the window, so he didn't see the look that crossed Tyler's face.

"He's so reckless. He doesn't think about the consequences." Caleb continued, ignorant to the racing heartbeats of Tyler and Autumn.

"Yeah, I guess," Tyler said quietly, his knuckles chalk-white as he clutched the wheel.

Autumn had fluttered her eyes open and looked down at the floor, away from them.

"What's Pogue going to do to him," she asked quietly, fingering her rubber band, tempted to take it off so no ER doctor would suspect what she'd done.

She knew it'd be fruitless if they asked her to remove her jacket. They'd all see what she'd done. Her shame, her guilt, her anger, every emotion she felt when she was in her dark, lonely place was marked on her arm. It would be there for them to see. Be there for them to judge with cold eyes and sneers.

The very thought alone made her want to vomit, but she did all she could to concentrate on what Caleb was going to say.

"Pogue's going to handle it," Caleb said distantly.

"But what does he have planned, Caleb?" Autumn asked, heart thudding as the bile rose in her throat and her stomach rocked, the nausea building in her slowly as she tried to get her mind off of it.

"Does it matter?" Caleb asked, glaring down at her.

"No," she said softly, her eyes shutting as she bit her lip. "Does it have to?"

She said it so quietly; both Caleb and Tyler almost missed it.

**:+:**

Tyler's heart pounded hard as he waited for Caleb's response.

This was his entire fault. The one time when he should have listened to Caleb and this happened. Reid had stood up for him – God only knew why. Reid was the last person to fight someone's battles like that. Throw a punch for you? Sure. But take Caleb's wrath? Not likely.

Though the blonde son could care less about Caleb's orders, he wasn't exactly rallying a rebellion to overturn their leader. Reid just liked to mess around and give Caleb shit. He'd never do something so insubordinate like Tyler had done. So why take the heat for it? And what were the consequences?

"Pogue is just going to put Reid in his place." Caleb sighed.

Tyler felt his gut twist hearing that and thought he was going to be sick, but he didn't have to be. At that moment Autumn vomited everywhere. He immediately hit the brakes and got out, as Caleb moved quickly to sit her up so she wouldn't aspirate.

"Jesus, Autumn," Caleb said gruffly.

She coughed and sputtered, gagging as she looked at her mess.

"Oh no, Tyler, I'm sorry!" She said, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"No," Tyler said, opening the door and helping her out. "It's fine. Really, Autumn, it is."

"But this car," she sputtered, still coughing. "I'm so sorry!"

He patted her back soothingly as Caleb cleaned the mess up in one spark of his eyes.

"See, nothing's wrong." He said softly, turning her to the car, feeling as if he were treating her like a child.

She sniffed pathetically, but nodded quietly. "I'm sorry," she whispered again, looking at the ground, turning her head.

His brow ruffled, and he touched her arm gently, but she flinched away.

"I'm horrible," she said sadly, then looked up at him with tears making her dark, dead eyes bright. "I shouldn't even exist."

"Don't say that –"

"It's true. You don't know how true it is. Horrible people – sorry excuses like me… we don't deserve to exist!"

She was crying uncontrollably now, arms crossed as if to keep her together. As if any moment she'd shatter to a million pieces and cease to exist.

"That's not true, Autumn. It's my fault about Reid; all you did was faint and get sick! You're not horrible, and you deserve to live just as much as I or anyone else does! Do you understand me?" Tyler said, shaking her, making her sob harder.

"I –" But Caleb cut him off by removing him from her.

"Autumn," he said gruffly, "stop, we're going."

And with that he picked her up and took her back to the car.

**:+:**

The emergency room was packed – babies were crying, people were bleeding or throwing up, and kids were getting noisy and restless.

Caleb filled everything out at the desk as Tyler carried Autumn over to a chair and sat down beside her, getting a seat for Caleb. They were going to be here a while unless someone back there knew the last name Danvers meant money.

People with money seldom had to wait for anything. While the mother with a screaming baby, two restless toddlers, and a seven year old daughter with a swollen ankle would have to wait four hours, Autumn would only have to wait minutes. That was the social hierarchy. Neither of them had ever understood why it was this way, no matter how unfair it seemed to the mother, it worked for them, and in time, you just never felt guilt towards it. Or at least try not to.

Caleb gestured for them to come over and Tyler hauled Autumn up, ignoring the few glares he received.

"Does she have a fever?" The nurse questioned as she lead the way to a room.

"No," Caleb said, and Tyler shook his head.

"She's pale," the nurse observed, "are you sure she only fainted from shock?"

"Yes, there was no other reason for her to faint," Tyler said as he placed her on the bed.

"She's skinny…" the nurse said, taking Autumn's writs. "Does she eat?"

"As far as we both know, yes." Caleb said, but Tyler didn't think that was saying much.

"Her blood pressure seems normal…"

Then Autumn stirred and looked around. "What's going on?"

"Ah, Autumn, I'm Jessica, your nurse. Doctor Fitzpatrick is going to be in shortly while I get you settled." She said smiling as if they were at a Sunday tea, rather than a dingy, white room in a hospital.

"Oh," Autumn said dumbly.

"Do you eat regularly?" Jessica asked.

"Yes," Autumn nodded, feeling groggy.

"Drink plenty of fluids?"

"I believe so –" she said as Jessica shoved a thermometer under her tongue forcefully.

"Did you sleep enough in the past months? Do anything to change your diet? Anything we should know about that would cause you to faint and be sick as your brother has claimed?"

Autumn took in what this Jessica had said feeling nervous. Yes, there was a lot that caused her spell, but none of which she could tell anyone, least of all Nurse Jessica.

"No," Autumn lied easily, trying her best not to let the thermometer fall from her mouth.

"Very well then," Jessica said, removing the thermometer and glancing at it with a sigh. "Doctor Fitzpatrick will be with you all shortly."

She nodded and lay back onto the uncomfortable bed.

Once Jessica left the room both boys came at her with questions, all of which she held a hand up to.

"I'm fine. I just needed to get sick and have a nap."

Caleb made a face at her and muttered something harsh under his breath. Though Autumn couldn't hear what he said it still wounded her. After how worried he was, a naïve part of her thought that some part of her life was back. It was stupid of her, but she was so vulnerable that she let herself believe it was true. But awake and aware of everything, Autumn knew that wasn't the case. It would never be the case.

The door opened and a man with a white lab coat and a gray mustache came in and introduced himself as Doctor Fitzpatrick. After running a few tests on Autumn, a few she avoided removing her jacket for in some miracle way, she was deemed healthy and able to go home.

The drive home consisted of Tyler and Caleb talking and Autumn looking out the window silently in the back seat. She had to get to her door soon, or else Chase wouldn't be too pleased with her. She figured that since he hadn't come to her in her sleep that she had time before he'd come after her.

"You alright, Autumn?" Tyler asked, looking at her from the rearview mirror.

She nodded. "I'm fine. Thanks."

He nodded, but didn't drop his gaze.

She turned away from it, trying not to look pouty.

She was tired and just wanted to get what she needed to do over with so she could go to bed, which to her seemed selfish and coldhearted, but she didn't care. She had no choice with Chase calling the shots, as he said, she was his, whether she liked it or not.


	9. Chapter Eight: Numb

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Covenant.**

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**Author's Note: **Is it a bit redundant to apologize for my neglect? Yeah? Okay. Before you read on, as I've warned in the summary about trigger warnings, this chapter is filled with emotions that occur during cases of depression, the word choice I have used to describe self-harm and suicide can be very triggering (how does one word this? I'm so afraid and hesitant because some of my lovely readers may be like Autumn, and I'm terrified of this triggering things, and if you read this chapter you'll understand where I'm nervous about), please read with caution if this is triggering. Please! I love you all.

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**Chapter Eight: Numb**

"_We gaze continually at the world and it grows dull in our perceptions. Yet seen from another's vantage point, as if new, it may still take the breath away."__  
__―__Alan Moore__,__Watchmen_

She felt like everyone was watching her. Like she was a reptile, trapped in a glass box that everyone banged at and pressed their noses against, leaving smeared prints as they laughed and pointed at her misery.

She was used to that feeling. She was used to conversations dying when she neared; she was like an illness to her classmates. She was walking disease, feared by all who could catch her and die from her poison. No one associates with the diseases, they just gossip about them in hushed whispers.

She was used to hiding things as she lay trapped in her glass box. It was easy to hide things from people, she learned over the years. No one likes a sad story – they'll believe the lies if they're normal. No one questions normal. No one worries about normality, even if normality isn't safe.

But Chase, his soul, his being, it weighs down on her. He's hard to hide, even though no one can see him. He's everywhere on her. Everywhere where everyone can see the stains of his touch, the cuts his words have caused all that he's done to her. It's right there in plain sight where everyone can point and pass judgment on.

Where they'll know what a coward she is.

It's all she's been thinking lately, wrapped up in her cocoon, trying desperately to hide from the people pressing against the glass. The word haunts her thoughts, her dreams. It's branded her for slaughter.

Coward.

She's always known she was one.

She left Caleb. She was going to die. She was going to end her pain.

Coward, coward, coward, _coward!_

Chase chuckles, egging her on. Reminding her of what she is. Of what she's become; her sole purpose in life. She's his.

It was funny to her, in a sick, twisted way.

Everything about her life had become a huge joke. A tragedy that the viewers' pointing, pressing their faces closer, as if trying to fall through the glass, laughed at. They would mock her, watching her with glee, their faces splitting into wild grins, eyes bugging out as their faces got closer.

Pathetic.

That's another word she was branded with.

It's written along her arm, covered by jackets and long sleeves.

She was nothing but a pathetic coward. A loser no one would miss once she was to be cancelled.

She'd always hated numbers. Hated the confusion and frustration math brought about, but suddenly numbers have become her life. Her days are numbered: She knows she has until Tyler's birthday to live, that's about thirteen days. She knows that four people will die because of her. And one: The number of purposes her life now had.

After thirteen days she'd be gone. Dead. Never coming back.

It's cold, harsh. It slices her to the core to think about.

She thought she was better. That everything was under her control. Maybe her mind had tricked her again.

Moving along the hallways, she tried to keep her head down, tried to focus on getting to her destination and ignored the crowd.

"Autumn!" someone calls to her over the white noise her mind consisted of nowadays.

People go silent, gawking at the boy who called to the younger Danvers in confusion. Autumn never talks to the sons. _Never!_ Something's wrong, the confusion and horror are written across faces, some even spearing Autumn a sympathetic look about bad news yet to come.

Autumn though, hadn't stopped. She didn't even pause in confusion, or curiosity about this new phenomenon happening to her. People realize she never heard it, to wrapped up in her mission.

"Autumn," Chase drawls. She tries to ignore him, willing him to go away. "Our dear Tyler wants a word."

That makes Autumn pause and turn around with wide, confused eyes. She sees him coming towards her, the crowd parting easily for him. He's frowning, his blue eyes clouded over with concern.

She almost scoffs at this scene that's about to play out.

After everything, she thought the Sons would realize she's fine on her own. She can manage by herself. She doesn't need anyone… especially them.

"What?" she deadpanned, shifting the weight of her bag to keep her hands busy. She's so numb that she doesn't even know if her bag is heavy. If it's even full of the things she needs, or if it's an empty shell.

Tyler grabs her arm, saying silently to follow him.

She hesitates. She doesn't care about being late, in thirteen days it won't matter, but she doesn't want to be alone with him again. Not with Chase, the puppet master he was.

Tyler would be left vulnerable, never expecting to know Autumn's secret, and Chase wouldn't hesitate to use it. He was powerful enough to do it, to cast Autumn aside in the darkest part of her mind. He'd done it that night when she surrendered to him and his plan. She had no choice. She couldn't fight him.

Coward, coward, coward, coward, coward, COWARD!

Autumn looks up at him, her face distant, broken, the look of the wounded, and Tyler freezes looking into her eyes. She can see he's scared, he probably thinks she's crazy. He sees the brands the truth has left on her skin; he's seeing everything Chase has done… what her life has done. She expects him to turn from her, to cast her off as a disease and run, but he doesn't.

"Please, Autumn… I have to talk to you." He pleads to her softly, her heart pounding.

She takes a moment to regain herself, and then nods her head slowly, but it isn't her nodding, it's Chase, he wants this. The puppet master controlling the strings, doing to the puppet as he pleases, making her dance like a fool, leading someone to – death? No, Chase needs him. She doesn't know what'll happen to Tyler once alone. At that thought, she feels her mouth go dry all the way down to her throat, even though she can feel the saliva. She feels like she can't breathe from the mental dryness. As if the inside of her mouth and throat are cracking, her screams and protests clawing helplessly, trying to come out.

Pathetic, coward, loser, helpless, weak, puppet. Nothing.

That's all she is, it's all she feels.

**:+:**

Tyler leads Autumn out of the school and near the woods, away from the eyes of their classmates. Autumn lets him drag her behind him like a rag doll.

The look she gave him haunts him. The brokenness he'd never expected to see in her, despite what her journal has told him. She's broken, possibly beyond repair – though he doesn't want to believe that. He can't bring himself to.

The only person I can count on is ME. I don't need anyone. People always leave. They'll ALWAYS let you down.

The words hit him again as he drags her to the woods. Her harsh, cold words, smacking into him, bruise him from their truths and lies.

People did always leave her. They did always let her done. He was proof of it. He'd promised her he'd never leave, that he'd always be there for her. That she could depend on him.

He'd failed her. Failed her in the worst way he could have ever imagined. Everyone was to blame: Caleb, her mother, Reid, Pogue, but he carried the most blame. He'd promised her this as she cried to him, lost and alone; helpless to what was happening to her life as it shattered and cracked around her. He'd promised her all of this at her most vulnerable, made her dependent to him, and never followed through on it.

He was part of the reason her sadness, her pain, had drowned her. Completely consumed her, leaving her empty shell as a mere side effect of what the pain had done. The pain, the anger, the sadness, the helplessness, that was her life. She wasn't Autumn Danvers; she was a shell of who she should have been. She was a broken, lost girl, who turned to harming herself as a way to gasp for air as her emotions crushed her.

Everything that had happened from the time her dad had become so enthralled with magic marked her life. It was the reason her family was broken, the reason her friendships were ruined, the reason that she was so distant. The reason that she was drowning, gasping for air, gasping to feel something other than internal pain. Pain she couldn't talk about to others, and the ones she could talk about it to probably would not listen. Would blame her in some way; write it off as her being dramatic. Or worse, become angry with her.

He looked back at her, her eyes hollow, her body frail and thin. His heart nearly stopped taking in her image, his promise to her haunting him.

Why didn't I save you? Was all he could think as she gave him that broken look. Why wasn't he saving her now? He knew about what she did! He knew what she wanted, but yet he did nothing! He sat back and watched her, like a disgusting coward.

He hated himself for being weak. He couldn't be strong for a moment, even if it meant saving someone he claimed to love.

He could help her, help glue back her pieces, stitch up her cracks, but he didn't.

It made bile rise up his throat, but he swallowed hard.

Once they were under the protection of branches, he turned to her.

"Are you okay, Autumn?"

It was a stupid question. He'd of known the answer without the knowledge of her diary.

"I'm just fine," she said through gritted teeth.

An obvious lie. One she'd been far to use to getting away with.

"Are you sure?" He questioned, testing the waters slowly. "You seemed pretty bad –"

"I said I was fine," Autumn ground out, her cheeks tinged red with anger, her brown eyes crackling with fire.

"You can talk to me, Autumn," he said softly, reaching to touch her cheek.

She slapped the hand away. "Don't."

It was a command, her voice harsh and stern. She didn't want his pity. She wouldn't show him her fractures in the protection of the trees, no one around to watch but nature.

"Autumn –"

"What do you want, Tyler?" She said, sighing tiredly. When he didn't answer she said it again, louder, harsher, almost a bit shrill.

"I just… I needed… You're not okay."

Her eyes narrowed. "Excuse me?" Her voice was quiet; he barely heard her dangerous whisper.

He thought for a moment she was going to slap him, but instead she laughed. She was laughing so hard she had to clutch her sides, gasping for air when the laughter became too much.

"You've got to be kidding me," she said, wiping a tear from her eye.

He didn't get the joke, and just watched her, waiting for an explanation.

"You have some nerve," she said once she caught her breath. Her face was bright red from laughing, but the humor was completely gone. If Tyler hadn't seen the girls fit, you'd have never known that Autumn Danvers had laughed, had smiled, had found humor somewhere in their situation. "How dare you act like you have concern for me, after everything that's happened. Don't you dare play me like some fool!"

She was seething. He could feel her anger in waves, as if it was seeping from her pores. She was tainting him with her unstoppable wrath, weakening his defenses to break through her walls.

"Autumn, I'm sorry." He whispered.

"Sorry," she repeated, slowly, her tongue drawing out the word, rolling it around, savoring it with a slight scoff and shake of the head. "I'm sure."

She didn't believe him, not that he blamed her. He gave her no reason to trust him. They weren't friends, weren't allies. All he was to her now was her brother's best friend, a son of Ipswich, bond to her family by a secret coven of magic. All of which had nothing to do with her directly anymore.

"You have to believe me, Autumn," he said, hating how he was pleading. He hated how weak he was. How could he ever help her if he was weak?

"Tyler…" she frowned, her eyes clouded by sadness. "I can't… Sorry."

He ran a hand through his hair. "I wish I could go back and change everything…"

"Yeah," she breathed, looking up into the leaves where the sun was peaking its way through, "me too."

**:+:**

Tully walked into the detention room; freezing mid-step when she saw the familiar blonde teen sitting in the back row, his chair tilted back so he was balancing on its back legs.

She nearly scoffed at herself for pausing. Reid Garwin was nothing to her, and she should let him know that. But she didn't want to spend an hour and a half with him in a room.

He caught her eye, slamming the chair back to the floor with a loud bang, a sneer on his face.

She figured he was still mad about the milk, the memory of her impulse making her lips twitch into a smirk.

Taking a seat far away from him, she pulled out her English Lit book and began to read.

The teacher isn't there yet, and Reid got up and took the seat beside her, smirking as her shoulders tense and lips curl.

"What?" Tully snipped.

"I don't see why you should be mad at me," Reid said with a bored expression, enjoying her reaction to his words.

"Excuse me?" Her words came out in a hiss. Her hands were curled, wrinkling the paperback into itself. Her face was flushed, and he could see the anger all over her face, even though he could only view her profile from his chair.

"Well, you did throw milk in my face," he shrugged, smirking.

She threw the book down, turning to face him, her blue eyes crackling with fire. He thought for a moment she was going to punch him square in the face, but instead she surprised him.

"Why did you do it, Reid?" she asked, her voice almost calm, the once crackling fire, now nothing but dying embers. "Why would you have sex with me in the woods, and then once I passed out, leave me?"

Her words were far worse than a slap. He'd rather her yell them at him, then the way she was doing it. The calmness in her voice, the look of dying embers in her eyes, the sadness on her face, it all made guilt creep into his stomach, gnawing away at the cool façade.

"Why, Reid? Just tell me why?"

And then the professor walked in, a gangly man with white tuffs of hair.

"You two, sit on opposite sides of the room. No talking." He snapped, taking the chair.

Tully wasted no time gathering her things and moving away, but Reid was frozen in the chair.

"Mr. Garwin," the professor snapped, making Reid jump. "Move to the other side of the room."

Reid blinked, gathered his things, and ignoring Tully's gaze, he moved.

**:+:**

Why? That was the big question to her. Why did he do it to her?

To be honest, there was no answer. He wanted to have sex, she was there. He didn't give a damn about her. She was just another Son Groupie. All they were good for was sex. They meant nothing.

But Tully wasn't one of them, a voice nagged at him from the back of his mind, making the guilt creep around, gnawing at his gut once again.

Reid nearly scoffed aloud. As if that made a difference!

Reid had never cared about the girls he had sex with. Never had, never would.

He knew, sadly, that he was the end of the Garwin bloodline, unless he accidentally got some girl knocked up, but he'd probably cast the two aside like lepers. He didn't want a family, a kid, a wife, people to annoy him and question what he was doing. No, he wanted to use his power, get drunk, and have things stay exactly as they were.

Families for the Covenant were pointless anyways. His old man and mother were miserable together, and Reid, well Reid was just the accident child. The thing that made them marry and stay together all these years.

His dad resented him, blamed him for being born and making him stay in a marriage that was nothing but affairs and fighting.

And his mother loved him, but he knew, deep down, she hated him too.

No kid deserved that sort of life. And that was all he'd ever be able to give a kid. What any of them could give a kid.

There was nothing they could give a kid but a life of resentment, affairs, booze, power-addiction, hatred.

It nearly made Reid sick, and he was so lost in his thoughts, he was shocked when detention had ended and Tully was nowhere to be seen, which was good that she hadn't pestered him, because his answer would just make her cry or hit him. Reactions he didn't want to have to deal with.

"Hey," he said to Caleb, once he got to the table by the woods.

"Have you seen Tyler? He wasn't in class all day." Caleb said, worry lacing his voice.

Reid rolled his eyes. "No. But he's a big boy; it's his choice if he wants to skip."

Reid had to admit he was pissed that Tyler hadn't asked him to join him in playing hooky. Usually it was Reid convincing him to skip, and even then he bitched about getting caught.

"Yes, but we haven't seen Autumn today either," Pogue continued.

Reid smirked. "Coincidence? Or maybe they decided to get hitched. He's always had a thing for her."

Caleb's and Pogue's eyes narrowed.

"This isn't a fucking joke, Reid." Caleb said. "Yesterday all that stuff happened, Tyler was alone with her!"

"Relax, Danvers, Autumn's a big girl, she can handle herself." Reid said, rolling his eyes at Caleb.

It was almost as if the eldest son hadn't met Baby Boy. He wouldn't as much lie to Caleb, much less disobey him. Baby Boy was spineless, and as far as Reid was concerned, the two not being in class wasn't any of his concern, or something to be concerned with.

**:+:**

Chase was enjoying himself. Autumn could feel his amusement to the entire situation down to her very core, and she hated him for it.

She just wanted to leave.

To turn around and walk away from Tyler, from this stupid thing Chase was making her do.

It was all so stupid!

"Autumn," Tyler said, touching her softly on her cheek.

She felt her defenses crack. Being touched so gently like this, she never knew – but it hurt too. It hurt like a slap in the face, his gentle touch.

She wanted it all to stop and to go away.

She wished desperately that she'd disappear. To just evaporate, leaving his touch, and everything behind, becoming one with the breeze blowing around them.

Her pain was making Chase giddy, and she felt her blood pound with anger, but she was frozen in his touch that she wanted so desperately to break, and Chase was trapped inside her mind, just out of her reach.

"I love you, Autumn," he whispered quietly, his voice almost lost in the wind. Her heart began to shatter. No. No he couldn't be. He wasn't. "I want to help you. Please, let me help you."

His hand was sliding to her arm, and she was panicked and frozen.

All she wanted to do was scream and run. To be free.

"_No," _she was mentally pleading with Chase. _"Please. Don't do this to me. Please!"_

But there was nothing but his giddiness, and Tyler's fingers ghosting over her arms.

**Author's Note: **Kind of odd cliffhanger? Did you enjoy the update? Yes? No? More to come, sooner rather than later hopefully!


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